Good morning (TEACHER) and class.We all know about vampires. Stock characters of fiction, guarenteed box office hits. The media vampire has been familiar to us since childhood.
But the most important fact, is that there are no such things. Yes, there are no such things as vampires. At this point you are probably thinking “Why is she tossing in her side of the argument so quickly?” Well, the
truth is I’m not! Of course in mythical and literary terms, should I say that the opposition is correct. But in medical terms, I am afraid to say that the opposition is sadly mislead.
Real vampires do not drink blood. In fact, blood-drinking was an assumption made long ago by the so-called “christians” of that time who used to burn the people who were suspected of vampirism.
In this same period they also burned people with schizophrenia for “communicating with the dark side. This practice was very wrong and I will now explain.
You see, the vampires that used to be burned, and are now cast out for being “odd” people, are infected with what is known as the “Vampire Virus”. A virus is a living organism that invades the human
body, infecting and changing its DNA. The “Vampire Virus” is passed on through the same ways as the AIDS Virus. That is, it is passed either through birth or through a transfer of bodily fluids.
However, everyone infected with the “Vampire Virus” does not always develop it, and therefore, not everyone born with it becomes a vampire. This is why the Earth is not over-run by strange infectees.
But before I continue, I feel that there may be some feelings that I am contradicting myself. For when I refer to “vampires”, I am using this simply as a medical term, such as you would “schizophrenic” for a
person with multiple personalities. It is not in the mythical sense.
As far as medicine is concerned, the “vampire” is still considered a human. Except they have
abnormal behavioural patterns such as high mood swings and…