I have been diagnosed with what is called a Bipolar disorder. For all of
my life I have been moody, so I guess when my I had mood swings my parents chalked it
up to being a teenager. I always knew that it was more than just moodiness, but I had no
idea what was wrong with me.
When I am in a manic state I feel empowered and clever. In this phase, people
find me very charismatic I also love myself and others and am very creative and
productive. I also make unwise decisions during this phase like investing in one of my
creative ideas which are not realistic.My manic phases can also jump to
irratbility and imparience with others, when I amin this stage of my manic phase all that I
can see is that everyone is an idiot, and the world is against me. This is when my
"charisma" wears off and I end up alienating people. Luckily, I have some friends and
family that stick with me no matter what I do to hurt them.
Eventually this manic stage wearsoff and I crash into a deep depression. I feel
remorse and sadness for the harm that I have caused those around me. I spend alot of my
depressed state apologizing to people for the harm I have inflicted on them. I try to clean
up my mess. I also can not sleep during this phase so I force myself to do the everyday
things such as cleaning the house, showering, as well as reading books and doing
anything I can to keep my mind occupied. If I am not busy during this time my mind fills
with ideas of my suicide. I have written my final intructions and apologies so many times
I can't evenbegin to count them. I know every method of suicide possible, its a wonder
that i am still alive.
Fortunately one of my close firends found one of my suicide notes and told my
family and close friends. They talked me into finding help I eventually checked myself
into a psychiatric facility because I did not want to go to my …